


Who You Should Fight (Escape the Night Edition)

by canufeelthemagictonight



Category: Escape the Night (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, Who You Should Fight, more specifically a Tumblr meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-08-26 07:27:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16677235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canufeelthemagictonight/pseuds/canufeelthemagictonight
Summary: Based on that one Tumblr thing that was going around, find out which of the Escape the Night characters you should fight and which you shouldn't fight!





	1. Season 1

SHANE DAWSON: I don’t know, man. He’s from the SAE, so he probably has all sorts of cool spy moves up his sleeve. Don’t fight Shane.

ANDREA BROOKS: Why would you fight Andrea? She just wants to have a nice party and find pretty lightbulbs! She’s too sweet! She doesn’t deserve it! (Also, Tim would kill you if you tried.) Don’t fight Andrea.

JUSTINE EZARIK: On the one hand, she does kinda have it coming, and you can probably beat her, but as soon as Joey finds out, he will not stop until you are dead. Don’t risk it. Don’t fight Justine.

GLOZELL GREEN: Do it. She talks a lot of smack, but she doesn’t have the moves to back it up. You can take her. Fight GloZell.

SIERRA FURTADO: Fighting Sierra won’t even be a fight. You can take her down in one punch, but then, she will start crying, and you will feel awful. Don’t fight Sierra.

MATT HAAG: Depends. You can fight Matt pre-breakdown. He deserves it for wasting everyone’s time with that silly Haag/Pons feud. He’ll try his best, and he might even win, but even if he wins, you’ll have fun. Fight pre-breakdown Matt. Do _not_ fight Matt after his breakdown, because he’s been through enough.

TIMOTHY DELAGHETTO: I mean...fight Tim if you want to, but proceed with caution. He’s short, and he doesn’t look like much, but he probably packs a real nasty punch. Also, he wouldn’t be above fighting dirty. Only fight Tim if you are prepared to fight him.

LELE PONS: Lele is another tough call. She deserves to be fought for the same reasons that Matt deserves to be fought, but she’s also very likely to beat you. She’s crazy. Honestly, I’d say that it’s not worth the risk. Don’t fight Lele.

EVA GUTOWSKI: Eva will straight-up kill you. Don’t fight Eva.

OLI WHITE: Eva will straight-up kill you. Don’t fight Oli.


	2. Season 2

LAUREN RIIHIMAKI: Good Lord, do not fight Lauren. Do not even look at Lauren funny, especially not when Alex is around. Be nice to Lauren. Give her hugs and kind words.

JESSE WELLENS: Don’t even _try._ The man is an Iraq vet and a total badass. He will pound you into dust. Don’t fight Jesse.

DESTORM POWER: Fight him. I don’t even care if you win or not. He deserves to be fought. Everyone should fight him. Fight DeStorm.

LIZA KOSHY: You probably won’t be able to catch her. She’s a slippery little thing, and real fast on her feet. Your only hope is taking her by surprise. Also, she’s such a happy person. Why would you want to make her sad? Don’t fight Liza.

TANA MONGEAU: Why don’t you just punch a kitten? You’ll get the same effect. Don’t fight Tana.

GABBIE HANNA: She probably wants to fight you. Fight Gabbie if you must, but remember: you only have a 25% chance of winning. If that.

ALISON: Don’t fight Alison unless you have a death wish.

ALEX WASSABI: No! First of all, he’s gotten super buff recently. Are you super buff? No. No, you are not. Even if we’re going by EtN, where he’s not super buff yet (and, in this universe, never will be), and you believe you _can_ take him in a fight, do you really _want_ to? Rewatch the clip of him crying in episode 2, and _then_ tell me if you want to fight Alex. Don’t fight Alex.

ANDREA RUSSETT: Heck no. The girl is a savage who will smash your tablet without a second thought. She will also smash your face. Don’t fight Andrea.

TYLER OAKLEY: If you so much as hurt a hair on Tyler’s head, literally everyone else in s2 (except maybe DeStorm) will come for your blood. Don’t fight Tyler.


	3. Season 3

JC CAYLEN: Sure, whatever. Fight him if you want. He’s pretty chill, so he probably won’t take it too seriously, and then, no matter who wins, you can laugh about it later. Fight Jc.

ROI FABITO: He’s a scrappy little guy, and he’ll probably put up a good fight, but if you’re strong enough, you can take him down. But, again, do you want to? Look at him. Why would you want to hurt him? Don’t fight Roi.

TEALA DUNN: Uh, no. She’s suffered enough. Don’t fight Teala. #LeaveTealaAlone.

MATTHEW PATRICK: He’s too smart to be fought, and you and I both know it. Sure, he lost to Manny in the strong man challenge, but that was purely strength-based. Fighting also takes brains. He’d figure out a way to win the fight, unless you’re, like, the Hulk or something. Don’t fight Matt unless you’re the Hulk (or Manny, I guess).

COLLEEN BALLINGER: She will kill you with words. I don’t know if she can win a physical fight. Go ahead. Fight Colleen. I’m genuinely curious to see if you can beat her.

SAFIYA NYGAARD: If Matt is too smart for you to fight, Safiya’s impossible. Don’t fight Safiya.

ROSANNA PANSINO: Oh, don’t you _dare._ It’s against the law. Trying to fight Rosanna (and it _will_ be you who throws the first punch, because Rosanna wouldn’t hurt a fly) will get you burned alive by the entire population of Everlock faster than you can say “rainbow magic.” Don’t fight Rosanna. Instead, give Rosanna a cupcake, and then, tell her that her hat is cute. Trust me. It’ll be worth it.

MANNY MUA: Are you _insane?_ Strongest guy in the group! He will end you! And even if he goes easy on you, which I admit he might, Nikita sure as hell won’t. Don’t fight Manny.

MORTIMER: Yeah, he deserves it, but did you see what he did to those clowns? Back away. He’s not worth it. Don’t fight Mortimer.

CALLIOPE: We are talking about an SAE member who may or may not have special powers. If you fight her, you’re basically begging for death. Don’t fight Calliope.

NIKITA DRAGUN: *laughs for ten minutes straight* Yeah, no. Don’t fight Nikita. Don’t mess with Nikita. Don’t look at Nikita. Don’t think about Nikita.

JOEY GRACEFFA: If you fight Joey, you will die. The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who would YOU fight? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!


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